Oy. I don't even know where to start. I don't think I have ever cried so many good tears in my life. Tyler and I have been so overwhelmed by the love and support that we have been shown the last few weeks. We are so grateful for each and every one of you, and your generous acts in our behalf.
The thing that we have come to realize, and learn, (this last week especially) is that our Heavenly Father is looking out for us, even when we don't realize it. He has a plan for each and every one of us, and has given us amazing people to help us along our way.
Tyler and I have been struggling lately, mostly because of financial reasons. We have been stressing about hospital bills, and worrying about how we are going to be able to be able to pay for Brenna's other bills (she does not have insurance as of right now...long story--Tyler and I are both covered on our parents insurance until we are 26. We can get insurance through work, but it doesn't make sense to pay over $500 extra a month when we are both already covered, and pretty healthy.). The bills have already started flowing, and have been quite the eyeopener, considering we did not think we would be in this situation. (I know, I shouldn't worry about the bills--all that really matters is for Brenna to get here, safely, and as healthy as possible- we will pay any price we have to, to have her in our family, but it is always somewhere in the back of my mind.) We decided, that selling the bracelets would be a good opportunity for us to come together as a family to support each other--and Brenna, and be able to save up a little bit of extra money to help with the incoming bills. We ordered 200 bracelets, thinking that would be more than enough--but boy were we wrong! We had so many people contact us, and we sold all 200 bracelets, in just a couple of hours! We placed another bracelet order, because there are still so many people who want them!
There are no words to describe my feelings, toward all of you, who have contributed to our cause- many of you we know personally, but also those who we do not know. Over the last few days, we have received many anonymous donations, and contributions in our behalf. It is truly amazing to see and feel the love and concern of so many wonderful people. I wish I knew who you were, so I could thank you! It is overwhelming to think that there are so many good people, who want to help us, and are willing to do so.
We have never experienced anything like this, it is all new to us. I can't even to begin to describe the feelings we have felt being on the receiving end of so many wonderful and generous acts of kindness. You have all been an answer to our prayers. We have been so blessed, and we know there are many more blessings coming to us, and to each of you because of your willingness to help us in our time of need.
I have made a promise to myself, that I would try to be better in helping those around me. I want to give service to those in need, be a friend to those who need a friend, and be a listening ear to those who are facing hardships. I want to be a person that others can rely on. I may not be able to do much right now, but, I know that in the future, I am going to reach out and help others in any way that I can.
Heavenly Father has put us in this situation, knowing our full potential, and has placed angels along the way to help us. I have been inspired by so many of you and hope that I will be able to help and inspire others along the way. I want to be an influence for good, and return the favors that we have so generously been given.
One of our many callings in life, is to reach out to those around us, love them as the Savior would love them, and do everything we can to serve them. It really is a simple task--the Savior does not ask much of us. If we all try a little harder, we can do amazing and marvelous works. I have seen it, and have felt the spirit testify of the sweetness and miracles that occur because of service. I am working on being better, and will take advantage of any opportunity I can, to serve others to the best of my ability.
Once again, THANK YOU all, for your love, support, concern, and the examples that you have set for us. We can't possibly imagine facing this trial without so many wonderful people behind us, to help us, and strengthen us. We love you all--
"We are Children, holding hands around the world; like an army with the gospel flag unfurled. We are led by His light, and we love truth and right; WE are BUILDING the Kingdom of God."
-Holding Hands Around the World (LDS Children's Songbook)
-McKensie
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
Friday, March 14, 2014
Our Second Primary Children's Visit
Wow. What a day! We left home at 9:30 this morning, and we are just getting home! It is now after 7pm.
We started off the day in the Cardiology unit at Primary Children's Hospital--for a routine Echo-cardiogram. Lynn, the same tech we had last time, did this echo as well. She is very nice and friendly, and she remembered us--probably because Brenna was so naughty last time! Anyways, we sat in the room while she did the scan. It was a surprise when she said we were done after only 40 minutes! (last time it took over two hours!) Brenna cooperated for the most part, and everything went well.
We met with Dr. Miller, and Dr. Polkchowski, as well as our two social workers, Kim & Lisa. The Echo-cardiogram showed the same thing as last time (which is a good thing) . No new worries or concerns, which we are grateful for! From the looks of things it looks like Brenna will more than likely have to have a shunt put in her heart, to take the blood to her lungs. They are still very hopeful, but it is still a very serious procedure. We were glad to not hear any more bad news!
I also got to go over to the University of Utah Hospital, to have an ultrasound, and meet my new OB. The ultrasound went great! Brenna looks very healthy, and is right on schedule with her measurements! She is full of personality, and wouldn't sit still-probably because she had been poked and prodded at all day! She weighs just over 2.5lbs, has chubby legs and cheeks, and already has lots of hair!! We were actually able to see her face, so we were thrilled! We can't wait to meet her, and see what she looks like for reals!
My new OB seems so great! Her name is Dr. Erin Clark. She delivers at the University Hospital--mostly High Risk Births. She was very sweet, full of energy, and was very reassuring. I'm glad I felt comfortable with her, I know we will get along, and that she will be amazing!
Overall, it was a good day! We are in such good hands, and I am so thankful to be able to have so much support and love. I am so thankful for modern technology, and the amazing things that are able to be done because of it--Brenna will be very well taken care of, and for that we are so thankful!
We started off the day in the Cardiology unit at Primary Children's Hospital--for a routine Echo-cardiogram. Lynn, the same tech we had last time, did this echo as well. She is very nice and friendly, and she remembered us--probably because Brenna was so naughty last time! Anyways, we sat in the room while she did the scan. It was a surprise when she said we were done after only 40 minutes! (last time it took over two hours!) Brenna cooperated for the most part, and everything went well.
We met with Dr. Miller, and Dr. Polkchowski, as well as our two social workers, Kim & Lisa. The Echo-cardiogram showed the same thing as last time (which is a good thing) . No new worries or concerns, which we are grateful for! From the looks of things it looks like Brenna will more than likely have to have a shunt put in her heart, to take the blood to her lungs. They are still very hopeful, but it is still a very serious procedure. We were glad to not hear any more bad news!
I also got to go over to the University of Utah Hospital, to have an ultrasound, and meet my new OB. The ultrasound went great! Brenna looks very healthy, and is right on schedule with her measurements! She is full of personality, and wouldn't sit still-probably because she had been poked and prodded at all day! She weighs just over 2.5lbs, has chubby legs and cheeks, and already has lots of hair!! We were actually able to see her face, so we were thrilled! We can't wait to meet her, and see what she looks like for reals!
My new OB seems so great! Her name is Dr. Erin Clark. She delivers at the University Hospital--mostly High Risk Births. She was very sweet, full of energy, and was very reassuring. I'm glad I felt comfortable with her, I know we will get along, and that she will be amazing!
Overall, it was a good day! We are in such good hands, and I am so thankful to be able to have so much support and love. I am so thankful for modern technology, and the amazing things that are able to be done because of it--Brenna will be very well taken care of, and for that we are so thankful!
This is Brenna, our precious little babe.
She is already so sweet, and we are SO EXCITED to meet her!
(The white stuff on the back of her head is HAIR!)
Once again, we appreciate all of you--your love and support mean the world to us, and to Brenna. We couldn't do this without you. Please keep praying for our family--especially Brenna! We LOVE you all, thanks for all you do!
"Don't use your energy to worry. Use your energy to BELIEVE."
-McKensie
Monday, March 10, 2014
The Waiting Game
It seems as though the days pass SO SLOWLY, but the weeks usually pass a little bit quicker. I feel like the last 2 months of our life have dragged on and felt like an eternity. We have been waiting and waiting, to find out more information on what to expect, and what we need to do to prepare ourselves (mentally & physically) for Brenna's arrival.
On Friday, we will be going back up to Primary Children's Hospital for another echo-cardiogram, we will also be visiting the U of U hospital to meet with a few potential OB doctors, have an ultrasound, possibly meet with a surgeon, and tour the Newborn Heart Intensive Care Unit. I am really nervous, but at the same time, excited, and a little bit scared. I'm hoping that things have improved, and that we wont have to hear any more bad news. I am trying to prepare myself for what I will see and experience in the Heart NICU. I know it wont be easy, but I am hoping that going now, and seeing what things could potentially be like will help ease my mind, and help me prepare better to be able to help Brenna as much as I can. There is a possibility that we could be spending a lot of time there (we are hoping only to be there for a few days, but you never know.) and the more comfortable I feel, the better off I will be.
I am hoping that when i have my regular ultrasound, we will be able to actually see her face. We have not been able to see her face in any previous ultrasounds because she is a wiggle worm, and she hides her face! She likes to be a stinker, and not hold still long enough to get a good look at her. We are pretty sure, that she might come out looking like a monkey, both Tyler and I had loads of dark hair when we were born, and if the whole "having heartburn" really means you are going to have a hairy baby, then Brenna might look like Chewbacca! I am SOOO excited to meet her, and finally be able to see what she looks like! It is so crazy to think we are only 11 weeks away!
On a side note, Tyler and I decided that we wanted to do something special--just for her. We had custom bracelets made, that we will be selling. Our motto throughout this whole experience has been "Believe In Miracles". We had that printed on the front of the bracelets, with her name printed on the back of them. The cost of the bracelets will be $3, we are trying to save a little bit of money--as the medical bills have already started coming, (and it doesn't really help that our little miss doesn't have insurance...) and they probably wont stop for quite some time. The picture below shows what they look like. (it shows the front and the back of the bracelet) They are adult sizes, and will fit a man's wrist! If you are interested, please contact me or my mom. Thanks for all you do, and for your love.
-McKensie
On Friday, we will be going back up to Primary Children's Hospital for another echo-cardiogram, we will also be visiting the U of U hospital to meet with a few potential OB doctors, have an ultrasound, possibly meet with a surgeon, and tour the Newborn Heart Intensive Care Unit. I am really nervous, but at the same time, excited, and a little bit scared. I'm hoping that things have improved, and that we wont have to hear any more bad news. I am trying to prepare myself for what I will see and experience in the Heart NICU. I know it wont be easy, but I am hoping that going now, and seeing what things could potentially be like will help ease my mind, and help me prepare better to be able to help Brenna as much as I can. There is a possibility that we could be spending a lot of time there (we are hoping only to be there for a few days, but you never know.) and the more comfortable I feel, the better off I will be.
I am hoping that when i have my regular ultrasound, we will be able to actually see her face. We have not been able to see her face in any previous ultrasounds because she is a wiggle worm, and she hides her face! She likes to be a stinker, and not hold still long enough to get a good look at her. We are pretty sure, that she might come out looking like a monkey, both Tyler and I had loads of dark hair when we were born, and if the whole "having heartburn" really means you are going to have a hairy baby, then Brenna might look like Chewbacca! I am SOOO excited to meet her, and finally be able to see what she looks like! It is so crazy to think we are only 11 weeks away!
On a side note, Tyler and I decided that we wanted to do something special--just for her. We had custom bracelets made, that we will be selling. Our motto throughout this whole experience has been "Believe In Miracles". We had that printed on the front of the bracelets, with her name printed on the back of them. The cost of the bracelets will be $3, we are trying to save a little bit of money--as the medical bills have already started coming, (and it doesn't really help that our little miss doesn't have insurance...) and they probably wont stop for quite some time. The picture below shows what they look like. (it shows the front and the back of the bracelet) They are adult sizes, and will fit a man's wrist! If you are interested, please contact me or my mom. Thanks for all you do, and for your love.
-McKensie
Sunday, March 2, 2014
Testimony
With it being Fast Sunday, I have felt like I should write down and share some bits and pieces of my own Testimony--as well as some other experiences that have happened this last week.
On Friday morning, I had to opportunity to go to the Temple with my Mom, and Grandma & Grandpa Cowan. That morning, it seemed like nothing went right! (My alarm didn't go off, so I was running late, I cut myself shaving in the shower, I couldn't find my shoes, and then my keys went missing!) I was so excited to be able to go to the temple, but my thoughts and feelings quickly turned into down and discouraging ones with all of this happening. It was a rough morning! I definitely know that someone DID NOT want me to go to the temple, and that he would do anything he could to distract me and not let me get there. Even though we were a few minutes late, we did get to the Temple, and I am beyond grateful and happy that we did! The Temple is definitely the House of the Lord, and I truly feel like I am in his presence there. All of my earthly cares and worries wash away when I am there, and I am able to focus on the things that matter most to me--my savior, my family, my husband & sweet baby girl. While sitting in the Celestial Room, I was overcome with the spirit, and tears filled my eyes as I felt Brenna's special spirit. I know she was there. As I felt her spirit near me, she started moving inside me like I have never felt before! It was as if she was trying to say that she was there, and she wasn't going anywhere. She reassured me that everything would be ok. I am so grateful for the experiences and the peace felt in the temple. Many questions were answered, and much needed peace and comfort was felt as I was there. The temple is so important to me, and I am so glad that because of the covenants Tyler and I made in the temple, we get to be with our children, and each other, FOREVER.
I am beyond grateful for so many good examples in my life. I am surrounded by so many wonderful people who know who they are and what they stand for--even in a world full of filth and distractions, they stay strong, and find the good in everything. I have to admit, that I am terrified for my own kids. The world is getting to be such a negative influence--everything I believe as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, is completely opposite of what the world now views as "correct" or "acceptable". Nothing is sacred anymore--there is so much hate and opposition that we all face on a daily basis. I hope and pray that I will be an influence for good, and that I might be able to help my own kids see and be the good in the world. I hope I will be able to teach them, and that they will always feel like they have somewhere to turn in times of trouble. I know I will never be able to shelter them from all of the evil in the world. Sadly there is no way to avoid it, but I will do everything I can to teach them, to help them develop their own testimonies, and have a desire to choose the right.
I am so thankful for the Priesthood. It has always been such a huge blessing to me, and has helped me in times of trouble. I am so blessed to have such righteous men in my life, who are worthy to hold the Priesthood, and use it to better the lives of those around them. My dad has always been an example to me, and I look up to him--he has always been there to give me a blessing whenever I need it. I am so thankful for Tyler, and for the blessings, advice, and council that he has given me. I am so glad my children will be able to grow up with the Priesthood in our home. I am also so grateful, that when Brenna does get here, that she will be able to have Priesthood blessings, that will hopefully help her through the trials she will face so early in life.
Prayer is one of the many things that I have really come to rely on throughout my life, especially when facing hardships. It is the only way I can communicate with my Heavenly Father, if I need something, or am looking for an answer to a question I might have, or even just to thank him for all he has given me. It has been such a help to me, to know that no matter where I am, or what I am doing, that I can pray and he will be listening. I know that prayer will bring me closer to my Heavenly Father, and that no matter what I am feeling, or going through, I can turn to him. Every time I pray, I know that he is there, and that our relationship is being strengthened and he is sending blessings my way.
Fasting goes hand in hand with prayer. I have had many experiences with fasting, and witnessed many miracles because of it--both in my own life, and in the lives of those who were struggling. I am so thankful to all of you, who have fasted in Brenna's behalf. We have seen miracles already, and I know that we are going to see more! It is so great to know, that all of you are concerned for her, and want to help. My mom told me last fast Sunday, that my sweet 8 year old cousin, fasted a FULL 24 hours just for Brenna. Fasting isn't easy, especially when you are so young (let's be honest, it is never easy no matter how old you are!). I am amazed everyday at the willingness of friends and family to fast and pray for us. There are no words express our gratitude.
My heart is so full today, thinking of the many blessings we have, and are still receiving. We are so lucky to have such good family, who have taught us, and loved us, and helped us in hard times. I am so grateful that Brenna will be surrounded by such good people, who already love her, and care for her. My testimony truly has been strengthened, and I hope it will continue to grow, as we continue on this journey. We love you all! Thanks for all you do.
"Believe in Miracles"
McKensie
On Friday morning, I had to opportunity to go to the Temple with my Mom, and Grandma & Grandpa Cowan. That morning, it seemed like nothing went right! (My alarm didn't go off, so I was running late, I cut myself shaving in the shower, I couldn't find my shoes, and then my keys went missing!) I was so excited to be able to go to the temple, but my thoughts and feelings quickly turned into down and discouraging ones with all of this happening. It was a rough morning! I definitely know that someone DID NOT want me to go to the temple, and that he would do anything he could to distract me and not let me get there. Even though we were a few minutes late, we did get to the Temple, and I am beyond grateful and happy that we did! The Temple is definitely the House of the Lord, and I truly feel like I am in his presence there. All of my earthly cares and worries wash away when I am there, and I am able to focus on the things that matter most to me--my savior, my family, my husband & sweet baby girl. While sitting in the Celestial Room, I was overcome with the spirit, and tears filled my eyes as I felt Brenna's special spirit. I know she was there. As I felt her spirit near me, she started moving inside me like I have never felt before! It was as if she was trying to say that she was there, and she wasn't going anywhere. She reassured me that everything would be ok. I am so grateful for the experiences and the peace felt in the temple. Many questions were answered, and much needed peace and comfort was felt as I was there. The temple is so important to me, and I am so glad that because of the covenants Tyler and I made in the temple, we get to be with our children, and each other, FOREVER.
I am beyond grateful for so many good examples in my life. I am surrounded by so many wonderful people who know who they are and what they stand for--even in a world full of filth and distractions, they stay strong, and find the good in everything. I have to admit, that I am terrified for my own kids. The world is getting to be such a negative influence--everything I believe as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, is completely opposite of what the world now views as "correct" or "acceptable". Nothing is sacred anymore--there is so much hate and opposition that we all face on a daily basis. I hope and pray that I will be an influence for good, and that I might be able to help my own kids see and be the good in the world. I hope I will be able to teach them, and that they will always feel like they have somewhere to turn in times of trouble. I know I will never be able to shelter them from all of the evil in the world. Sadly there is no way to avoid it, but I will do everything I can to teach them, to help them develop their own testimonies, and have a desire to choose the right.
I am so thankful for the Priesthood. It has always been such a huge blessing to me, and has helped me in times of trouble. I am so blessed to have such righteous men in my life, who are worthy to hold the Priesthood, and use it to better the lives of those around them. My dad has always been an example to me, and I look up to him--he has always been there to give me a blessing whenever I need it. I am so thankful for Tyler, and for the blessings, advice, and council that he has given me. I am so glad my children will be able to grow up with the Priesthood in our home. I am also so grateful, that when Brenna does get here, that she will be able to have Priesthood blessings, that will hopefully help her through the trials she will face so early in life.
Prayer is one of the many things that I have really come to rely on throughout my life, especially when facing hardships. It is the only way I can communicate with my Heavenly Father, if I need something, or am looking for an answer to a question I might have, or even just to thank him for all he has given me. It has been such a help to me, to know that no matter where I am, or what I am doing, that I can pray and he will be listening. I know that prayer will bring me closer to my Heavenly Father, and that no matter what I am feeling, or going through, I can turn to him. Every time I pray, I know that he is there, and that our relationship is being strengthened and he is sending blessings my way.
Fasting goes hand in hand with prayer. I have had many experiences with fasting, and witnessed many miracles because of it--both in my own life, and in the lives of those who were struggling. I am so thankful to all of you, who have fasted in Brenna's behalf. We have seen miracles already, and I know that we are going to see more! It is so great to know, that all of you are concerned for her, and want to help. My mom told me last fast Sunday, that my sweet 8 year old cousin, fasted a FULL 24 hours just for Brenna. Fasting isn't easy, especially when you are so young (let's be honest, it is never easy no matter how old you are!). I am amazed everyday at the willingness of friends and family to fast and pray for us. There are no words express our gratitude.
My heart is so full today, thinking of the many blessings we have, and are still receiving. We are so lucky to have such good family, who have taught us, and loved us, and helped us in hard times. I am so grateful that Brenna will be surrounded by such good people, who already love her, and care for her. My testimony truly has been strengthened, and I hope it will continue to grow, as we continue on this journey. We love you all! Thanks for all you do.
"Believe in Miracles"
McKensie
Monday, February 24, 2014
The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly
The last 2 weeks of my life have been a blur. I've had some really really good days, but also a couple of not so good days. The times I seem to struggle most, is when i am alone--or have too much time on my hands. I find that a lot of the time, when I have too much time to think, my thoughts wander--usually to Brenna. I tend to over think, and good thoughts quickly turn into the worst. I find myself almost constantly worried and scared over every little thing.
Tyler and I were talking the other night, about life. Work, school, bills, and of course our current situation. I expressed some of my concern to him, about what i was feeling, and how i had been struggling. I had been praying and praying for some sort of comfort, and finally received an answer to my prayers. Tyler didn't say much, but he did say something that struck me pretty hard. "Negative thoughts and feelings DO NOT come from our Heavenly Father." I had never thought of that before, its such a simple statement, but it hit me like a ton of bricks.
My Heavenly Father is a kind and just God. He knows me, and loves me. He has given us this trial to become better, and to become more like him. He isn't trying to drag me down, or instill negative hurtful thoughts in my mind. He is always there, and is ready and willing to help me. He wants me to succeed, and be happy!
If I have realized one thing the last few days, it is that Satan is real, his influence is real, and he wants nothing more than for me to fail. I have come to recognize his power and influence, especially in hard times. I have felt it more than i care to admit. Its hard to find light in a world full of darkness and despair. He attacks you at your weakest moment, he knows just where to hit you to make it sting. He is the master of all evil, misery, and lies. When i am down, or sad, or worried, he has more power over me, telling me that I cant succeed. That i will fail, that I cant possibly be happy.
I have been thinking about all of this, and came to the conclusion that yes Satan is real, but he only has power over me if I let him. HE IS NOT in control of my life, I make my own decisions, and determine my own happiness. If i let him in, he will take advantage and make my life miserable. If I exercise my faith, and try my hardest to do what is right, I know I will be victorious in this battle. I WILL overcome anything that is put in my path, and will do so trusting in my Heavenly Father's plan for me. It doesn't mean that it will be easy, but worth it. The blessings that I have been promised, if I endure to the end, are far GREATER than anything that i could physically obtain here on the earth.
It's never easy to face any sort of trial, we all have to do things we don't want to at some point in our lives. Sure, facing a difficulty is definitely not fun, or ideal, but I am looking forward to the future, and what it has in store for us. We are so excited (and a wee bit nervous) to meet our precious Brenna, and are ready and willing to do whatever we have to, to get her here, and healthy! It has been such a humbling experience, and blessing to know we get to be parents to a very, VERY special little girl. It is amazing to think that someone so special, and so strong, chose me and Tyler to be her parents. I am counting down the days, until she arrives, and gets to become a part of our family--FOREVER. (It's INSANE to think we are ONLY 13 weeks away from having a baby!! I'm freaking out a little!)
"My life is a gift, my life has a plan,
my life has a purpose, in Heaven it began.
My choice was to come to this lovely home on
earth, and seek for God's light to direct me from
birth."
(I will follow God's Plan- LDS Children's Hymnbook)
-Mckensie
Tyler and I were talking the other night, about life. Work, school, bills, and of course our current situation. I expressed some of my concern to him, about what i was feeling, and how i had been struggling. I had been praying and praying for some sort of comfort, and finally received an answer to my prayers. Tyler didn't say much, but he did say something that struck me pretty hard. "Negative thoughts and feelings DO NOT come from our Heavenly Father." I had never thought of that before, its such a simple statement, but it hit me like a ton of bricks.
My Heavenly Father is a kind and just God. He knows me, and loves me. He has given us this trial to become better, and to become more like him. He isn't trying to drag me down, or instill negative hurtful thoughts in my mind. He is always there, and is ready and willing to help me. He wants me to succeed, and be happy!
If I have realized one thing the last few days, it is that Satan is real, his influence is real, and he wants nothing more than for me to fail. I have come to recognize his power and influence, especially in hard times. I have felt it more than i care to admit. Its hard to find light in a world full of darkness and despair. He attacks you at your weakest moment, he knows just where to hit you to make it sting. He is the master of all evil, misery, and lies. When i am down, or sad, or worried, he has more power over me, telling me that I cant succeed. That i will fail, that I cant possibly be happy.
I have been thinking about all of this, and came to the conclusion that yes Satan is real, but he only has power over me if I let him. HE IS NOT in control of my life, I make my own decisions, and determine my own happiness. If i let him in, he will take advantage and make my life miserable. If I exercise my faith, and try my hardest to do what is right, I know I will be victorious in this battle. I WILL overcome anything that is put in my path, and will do so trusting in my Heavenly Father's plan for me. It doesn't mean that it will be easy, but worth it. The blessings that I have been promised, if I endure to the end, are far GREATER than anything that i could physically obtain here on the earth.
It's never easy to face any sort of trial, we all have to do things we don't want to at some point in our lives. Sure, facing a difficulty is definitely not fun, or ideal, but I am looking forward to the future, and what it has in store for us. We are so excited (and a wee bit nervous) to meet our precious Brenna, and are ready and willing to do whatever we have to, to get her here, and healthy! It has been such a humbling experience, and blessing to know we get to be parents to a very, VERY special little girl. It is amazing to think that someone so special, and so strong, chose me and Tyler to be her parents. I am counting down the days, until she arrives, and gets to become a part of our family--FOREVER. (It's INSANE to think we are ONLY 13 weeks away from having a baby!! I'm freaking out a little!)
"My life is a gift, my life has a plan,
my life has a purpose, in Heaven it began.
My choice was to come to this lovely home on
earth, and seek for God's light to direct me from
birth."
(I will follow God's Plan- LDS Children's Hymnbook)
-Mckensie
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Find HAPPINESS in all of Life's CRAPINESS
Sometimes in life, when bad things happen, it seems like no matter what you do, you cant catch a break. This is how I have felt this past week. With everything going on lately, its hard to focus on the light at the end of the tunnel. Life is so unpredictable, and sometimes really REALLY hard. The last few days, its just one thing after another. I am so ready for something positive to happen.
In the last few weeks, I have found myself constantly on my knees asking my Heavenly Father for help and guidance. I know he is there, and I know he is listening, but sometimes I still struggle. My mom gets weekly emails from a few missionaries, and she wrote down a little blurb from one of them-- "When all else fails PRAY, and when that seems to fail, PRAY more." As different struggles have come and gone, prayer has been one of my only sources of peace. Even though I may not get an immediate answer to a prayer, I know it will come. Maybe not in the way I want, or the way I expect, but it will come!
One of the ONLY things that has helped me have a better attitude the last few days is a CD of Primary songs that are sung by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. My mom bought it for me, and I am so grateful for it! I listen to it almost constantly, and it really helps me to calm down and focus on feeling the spirit. I have found that, when I do things I know I need to be doing, like praying, studying my scriptures, paying my tithing, and attending the temple, and trying to choose the right, I feel the spirit more constantly, and it helps me to focus on the good things I have in my life.
I have started a new gratitude journal, in which I write down 5 things every day that I am thankful for. This has helped me be able to see the many, MANY blessings that I receive daily, even when I think things couldn't get any worse. It helps me recognize my Heavenly Fathers hand in my life, and all of the tender mercies that we have experienced already in this journey.
I could never face this alone. I know I am not alone, even in my darkest times, when I cant seem to find a way out, or when I feel like everything is crashing down around me. I have a wonderful husband, amazing family, and a loving Savior who I can lean on in times of need. It still amazes me, to look around and see all of the love and support we have. There truly is strength in numbers. With help from family and friends, and trusting in my Heavenly Fathers plan for us, nothing is impossible. I have to remind myself of how lucky we really are. Things could be a lot worse, and there are others out there struggling just as we are. Thank you all for all you do, to help us, and for the love you give us!
" Faith is knowing the sun will rise, lighting each new day.
In the last few weeks, I have found myself constantly on my knees asking my Heavenly Father for help and guidance. I know he is there, and I know he is listening, but sometimes I still struggle. My mom gets weekly emails from a few missionaries, and she wrote down a little blurb from one of them-- "When all else fails PRAY, and when that seems to fail, PRAY more." As different struggles have come and gone, prayer has been one of my only sources of peace. Even though I may not get an immediate answer to a prayer, I know it will come. Maybe not in the way I want, or the way I expect, but it will come!
One of the ONLY things that has helped me have a better attitude the last few days is a CD of Primary songs that are sung by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. My mom bought it for me, and I am so grateful for it! I listen to it almost constantly, and it really helps me to calm down and focus on feeling the spirit. I have found that, when I do things I know I need to be doing, like praying, studying my scriptures, paying my tithing, and attending the temple, and trying to choose the right, I feel the spirit more constantly, and it helps me to focus on the good things I have in my life.
I have started a new gratitude journal, in which I write down 5 things every day that I am thankful for. This has helped me be able to see the many, MANY blessings that I receive daily, even when I think things couldn't get any worse. It helps me recognize my Heavenly Fathers hand in my life, and all of the tender mercies that we have experienced already in this journey.
I could never face this alone. I know I am not alone, even in my darkest times, when I cant seem to find a way out, or when I feel like everything is crashing down around me. I have a wonderful husband, amazing family, and a loving Savior who I can lean on in times of need. It still amazes me, to look around and see all of the love and support we have. There truly is strength in numbers. With help from family and friends, and trusting in my Heavenly Fathers plan for us, nothing is impossible. I have to remind myself of how lucky we really are. Things could be a lot worse, and there are others out there struggling just as we are. Thank you all for all you do, to help us, and for the love you give us!
" Faith is knowing the sun will rise, lighting each new day.
Faith is knowing the Lord will hear my prayers each time I pray.
Faith is like a little seed:
If planted, it will grow.
Faith is a swelling within my heart.
When I do right, I know.
Faith is knowing I lived with God before my mortal birth.
Faith is knowing I can return when my life ends on earth.
Faith is trust in God above;
In Christ, who showed the way.
Faith is strengthened; I feel it grow
Whenever I obey."
-McKensie
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
Primary Children's Hospital
Yesterday, as most of you know, we went up to Primary Children's Hospital in Salt Lake. A nice lady named Lynn did an echo-cardiogram on Brenna, and we met with several Pediatric Cardiologists, a social worker, and the head nurse coordinator. All of them were very sweet, and inviting. I was a train wreck, i didn't know what to expect, and was terrified at what we could possibly be told.
Tyler and I, along with my mom, Marianne and my mother-in-law Christine, sat in the room as Lynn did the echo-cardiogram in complete and total silence. Brenna of course, was being naughty and WOULD NOT sit still. Lynn tried to get pictures and videos of her heart for an hour and forty-five minutes! (quite possibly the LONGEST minutues of my life!!) She kept moving and turning and kicking the ultrasound probe everytime Lynn would move it. Brenna calmed down (for a minute) and Lynn was able to get about 5 good minutes of pictures and video.
After the Echo-cardiogram, they took us into a large conference room, and sat us down, (TERRIFYING!!) and they proceeded to tell us what they had found. The name of the defect is Pulmonary Atresia (clarification for those of you who may be interested to find out more, there are 2 TYPES of this heart disease- our baby has two ventricles, and the septum is intact. The other is more serious.) It is considered congenital heart disease, so it is not hereditary. It just so happened that she is the 1% of babies whose heart has this certain defect.
Basically what this means, is that the main artery, that delivers blood to her lungs is sealed shut. Right now, while she is inside me, she is completely safe. The blood is flowing as it should, and is getting to where it needs to go. After she is born, there is a little valve (all babies have it) that closes within 24-48 hours after birth. Soon after she is born, they will start her on a special medicine, to keep that little valve open and her blood circulating to the right places. As soon as she is stable enough, they will take her and try to snake a catheter up through her right ventricle to the opening of the valve that is sealed. They will burn a small hole through the tissue to open the it, and then they will take a balloon and try to stretch it and make the opening wider. The right ventricle is what pumps the blood to and up through the artery, to the lungs. Since the opening to the artery is sealed, the right ventricle is working very hard to try and pump the blood, but it cant. It has a build up of tissue which could cause further issues. It is underdeveloped, but there is a chance that it can continue to grow and develop over the next few weeks. (for those of you praying, please remember to pray that the tiny little part of her heart (right ventricle) will develop more.)
All in all, they say that this is a step by step process, and cannot exactly determine what will have to be done just yet. It just depends on Brenna, and what her body tells them she needs, and what her body chooses to accept. Further surgeries could be necessary, but we wont know exactly what until she has her first procedure. They say that this will be a lifelong journey for all of us, and she will be seeing a cardiologist for the rest of her life. There is also a chance that she will live a healthy life, and be able to be active- her heart will never be 100%, but it can come very close to being normal. We already know she has a very beautiful, kind, and special heart full of love!
The doctors we met with were very sweet and very thorough. They are very blunt, and tell it like it is. Which i am so thankful for--They are so confident in what they can do to help us, and baby Brenna. They are so hopeful, and gave me so much confidence that her heart can be fixed! They are expecting her to be just fine, and told us that we could very well be taking our sweet baby girl home with us within 2-4 weeks after she is born.
What a sigh of relief, for me and Tyler to hear that there is hope for our precious baby. I am beyond grateful for the comfort, peace, and relief that i got in answer to many, MANY, prayers. I know my Heavenly Father is watching out for us, and that he will be a constant in my life if i choose to let him be. He loves me, and knows of my deepest desires and needs. He knows what is best, and has a plan for our little family. One of the things that has helped me most, is to look at my life, and realize all of the blessings that he has given me already, and to find one positive thing every day that has put a smile on my face, and helps me recognize his hand in my life. The gospel is such a blessing, and has offered me much joy and happiness, even through hard times. It makes me want to reach out to others, and share that same happiness that i know and feel.
I know we have a long road ahead of us, but through faith and prayer, and constantly doing what we know we need to, anything is possible. I also know there is strength in numbers. All of your prayers, love and concern were an answer to my prayers--you have truly given us strength and courage, and i know the burden will be lighter with each one of you by our side, helping us, and praying for us. Thank you all, for all that you have done, and continue to do for us. We love each and every one of you.
"God is a God of miracles, and thus he blesses his children for showing FAITH."
-Elder Tanner Smith
-McKensie
Tyler and I, along with my mom, Marianne and my mother-in-law Christine, sat in the room as Lynn did the echo-cardiogram in complete and total silence. Brenna of course, was being naughty and WOULD NOT sit still. Lynn tried to get pictures and videos of her heart for an hour and forty-five minutes! (quite possibly the LONGEST minutues of my life!!) She kept moving and turning and kicking the ultrasound probe everytime Lynn would move it. Brenna calmed down (for a minute) and Lynn was able to get about 5 good minutes of pictures and video.
After the Echo-cardiogram, they took us into a large conference room, and sat us down, (TERRIFYING!!) and they proceeded to tell us what they had found. The name of the defect is Pulmonary Atresia (clarification for those of you who may be interested to find out more, there are 2 TYPES of this heart disease- our baby has two ventricles, and the septum is intact. The other is more serious.) It is considered congenital heart disease, so it is not hereditary. It just so happened that she is the 1% of babies whose heart has this certain defect.
Basically what this means, is that the main artery, that delivers blood to her lungs is sealed shut. Right now, while she is inside me, she is completely safe. The blood is flowing as it should, and is getting to where it needs to go. After she is born, there is a little valve (all babies have it) that closes within 24-48 hours after birth. Soon after she is born, they will start her on a special medicine, to keep that little valve open and her blood circulating to the right places. As soon as she is stable enough, they will take her and try to snake a catheter up through her right ventricle to the opening of the valve that is sealed. They will burn a small hole through the tissue to open the it, and then they will take a balloon and try to stretch it and make the opening wider. The right ventricle is what pumps the blood to and up through the artery, to the lungs. Since the opening to the artery is sealed, the right ventricle is working very hard to try and pump the blood, but it cant. It has a build up of tissue which could cause further issues. It is underdeveloped, but there is a chance that it can continue to grow and develop over the next few weeks. (for those of you praying, please remember to pray that the tiny little part of her heart (right ventricle) will develop more.)
All in all, they say that this is a step by step process, and cannot exactly determine what will have to be done just yet. It just depends on Brenna, and what her body tells them she needs, and what her body chooses to accept. Further surgeries could be necessary, but we wont know exactly what until she has her first procedure. They say that this will be a lifelong journey for all of us, and she will be seeing a cardiologist for the rest of her life. There is also a chance that she will live a healthy life, and be able to be active- her heart will never be 100%, but it can come very close to being normal. We already know she has a very beautiful, kind, and special heart full of love!
The doctors we met with were very sweet and very thorough. They are very blunt, and tell it like it is. Which i am so thankful for--They are so confident in what they can do to help us, and baby Brenna. They are so hopeful, and gave me so much confidence that her heart can be fixed! They are expecting her to be just fine, and told us that we could very well be taking our sweet baby girl home with us within 2-4 weeks after she is born.
What a sigh of relief, for me and Tyler to hear that there is hope for our precious baby. I am beyond grateful for the comfort, peace, and relief that i got in answer to many, MANY, prayers. I know my Heavenly Father is watching out for us, and that he will be a constant in my life if i choose to let him be. He loves me, and knows of my deepest desires and needs. He knows what is best, and has a plan for our little family. One of the things that has helped me most, is to look at my life, and realize all of the blessings that he has given me already, and to find one positive thing every day that has put a smile on my face, and helps me recognize his hand in my life. The gospel is such a blessing, and has offered me much joy and happiness, even through hard times. It makes me want to reach out to others, and share that same happiness that i know and feel.
I know we have a long road ahead of us, but through faith and prayer, and constantly doing what we know we need to, anything is possible. I also know there is strength in numbers. All of your prayers, love and concern were an answer to my prayers--you have truly given us strength and courage, and i know the burden will be lighter with each one of you by our side, helping us, and praying for us. Thank you all, for all that you have done, and continue to do for us. We love each and every one of you.
"God is a God of miracles, and thus he blesses his children for showing FAITH."
-Elder Tanner Smith
-McKensie
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